Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.
I really value long-time friendships. I’m blessed to have made some great bonds over the years, but now we’re all spread out around the country! On one hand, it’s great having people to visit all over. The downside is that without regularly scheduled proximity, those friendships could easily disappear as time passes. And that would be so sad!
I’m here to share some simple ways that a little bit of intention in these relationships can keep your long-time friendships thriving. Because they’re worth the effort!
Tip #1: Reach out when you think of them
You know that feeling when you get a text out of the blue because someone saw something that made her think of you? Isn’t that the best? You have the power to give that feeling to a friend! If you see something that reminds you of a memory or thought she would like something – let her know! Maybe it’s a song you two used to have dance parties to. Or you’re trying a new IPA that you think your beer-loving guy friend would find interesting. Even if it’s just a bitmoji to say hi, reach out!
Tip #2: Talk on the phone or video chat
Texting is great. Snapchat is great. Tagging each other on Instagram or Twitter is great. BUT, nothing replaces a live, real-time conversation where you can hear each other’s voices and expressions and just chat! I know we millennials avoid dialing the phone as much as possible, but call her up! Or have a Skype date while you’re both cooking dinner. I always feel so much more connected to friends when we actually talk.
Tip #3: Get something on the calendar
Actually having the next time you’re going to see each other set up can be HUGE. If you live in different cities, a visit (even months away) can be something to look forward to and plan together. Knowing you both have committed to staying friends motivates both of you to keep the relationship up. It establishes your friendship as a priority. It also gets the time together blocked out ahead of your schedules filling up with last minute busyness. And it definitely doesn’t have to be an elaborate plan or trip. It could be dinner, watching Grey’s Anatomy together, grabbing coffee – anything!
Tip #4: Your friend may change – and that’s okay!
Don’t assume she is the same person she was when you became friends. This is especially important for childhood friends – we all grow up! Having a history together is one perk of being long-time friends, but get to know present them, too. You may know her better than most people, just make sure you recognize growth and avoid assumptions. Even though reminiscing is fun, make new memories, too!
Tip #5: Recognize seasons of life
Part of the growing up I was talking about with the last tip is changing seasons of life. The phase you’re in may not match up with the one your friend is in. Maybe she’s engaged and you’re single. Or she’s a new mom and you’re going on a second date with a guy you met on Hinge. Maybe one of you is still in school partying on Thursdays while the other is in bed by 9 (just me?). It’s okay to be friends through all these different seasons! Make sure you have realistic expectations, support your friend through the challenges and joys of this chapter, and learn and grow alongside one another.
One more thought…
There are going to be people in your life that were only meant to there for a given season. There could also be people that are toxic or just plain bad friends. Try to recognize when it’s time to move on from that friendship and know that it’s okay! We don’t have to be Friends Forever with every friend.
Long-time friendships can be some of your most valuable relationships. I hope these tips help you maintain connections so they grow and withstand distance, busyness, and all phases of life. Now go reach out and be a friend!
How do YOU keep in touch with old friends?
Do you have a group that all catch up on a regular basis? A few close ones that you Marco Polo with constantly? Is there a friend you have been afraid to reach out to because it’s been so long? DO IT! She’s probably waiting for you to make a move, too.
